A foray into the unknown.

There's 2 unknowns at work here, one good, one bad. We'll start with the bad first.

I had a world of education last night about how to deal with constipation in the elderly and, let me tell ya, it's not as easy as it might seem. 10, count 'em TEN, trips to the bathroom in 3 hours about had me seeing red. I pulled everything I could possibly pull out of my hat of tricks - things I knew to relieve constipation. Let's see, there was warm prune juice, hot tea, a heating pad, drinking hot water, nothing. There was walking, Pepsid tablets, and Sennecot. Nothing. 2 calls to the hospice nurse assured me that I had touched on everything possible and time would tell. Mom was feeling better by the time I put her to bed last night but she's gonna blow today....

My second foray into the unknown is my continued work at Zazzle.com. I have a lot of products planned and have just been focusing on my Santa is real...he just doesn't like you stuff. Hopefully, I'll have some Christmas sales. Squidoo is coming along and I'm getting sales on my articles a few times a week which is nice. Sure doesn't touch the income from the now non-existant eHow though. I sure miss those months of raking in a lot of free dough. Ah well, all good things must come to an end, or so they tell me.

Here's my new products on Zazzle.com - here's my first greeting card by BitterBroads - needs work on the back but still looking for just the right logo:

Santa is real...he just doesn't like you by dogloving1
See other greeting card templates on zazzle.com

How about a nice apron?

Santa is real...he just doesn't like you by dogloving1
Browse Christmas Aprons

Or a cup?

Santa is real...he just doesn't like you by dogloving1
See other Christmas Mugs

My first try at Zazzle.com

Ok, here goes. Zazzle.com is a place where anyone can create items for sale. I've created my first BitterBroads product ever - a Christmas ornament of all things. Please go click on it to see the punch line on the back and then BUY IT!

Santa is real Christmas ornament by dogloving1
Browse Zazzle's other ornaments

My online ramblings

I've been busy trying to find my new online writing "home" since eHow deleted their writers compensation program. I was getting quite used to the extra money coming in every month and was saddened to find that the program was stopped. I wasn't saddened though to find them buying my entire library for a tidy sum. But, with the loss of the income, I was off to find other places to share my writings and, hopefully, make some money.

I did manage to get a start on my own website - DessertShooters.com - where I plan on expanding my recipes for these delicious mini desserts served in small glasses. Please come visit and bookmark my site; I'm going to update at least once a month with the "Recipe of the Month." September's recipe is Labor Day Labor of Love.

I've also been concentrating quite a bit on Squidoo.com
and am seeing a bit of results. Here's a review of my earnings since I started writing there;

April 2011 - .06 - yes, that's 6 cents
May 2011 - $24.49 - a nice increase and seeing some promise
June 2011 - $64.65 - not too shabby.

Squidoo pays 2 months in arrears so I haven't seen the pay for July yet but it should best June. So, it appears that my income is climbing. Like eHow, Squidoo is residual pay so, hopefully, these articles will continue to earn every month (until they close their program!).

I currently have 62 lenses (that's what Squidoo calls articles), most of which focus either on caregiving, dessert shooters or pets.

Here's a link to my profile and all of my articles on Squidoo. And, here's a few of my newer articles:

A houseboat rental. John and I took a nice mini-vacation a few months ago.
The value of friends. This article was written when I was in the hospital with mom last month.
Anatomy of a caregiver - what makes me tick
Choosing hospice - is it the right choice?
Alarm clocks for all ages
Dog costumes for Halloween

Please come read, and share my articles. Also, I appreciate comments on the articles (anyone can comment) as that raises the rank and allow for, hopefully, more bucks! I'll post more links tomorrow. Don't want Google to think I'm spamming!

Catching up again!

Well, I've been in the house with Mom for 3 days over the Labor Day holiday so you'd think I'd have written a bit more. I've been "busy" just being! Mom was starting to catch a cold yesterday so I gave her some cold meds and Doris (a caregiver) made a chinese mixture of ginger, green onions and brown sugar. Sounds horrible (and it is) but it does seem to have done the trick of clearing up the cold. Just glad it doesn't appear worse. One bad cold when you're almost 95 can be disastrous. Today was back to more normal terms - she's holding breakfast #2 there in her hand...

It's been raining for 2 solid days now and there's nothing more Mom and I like than rainy days. I bundled her up this afternoon and took her onto the balcony for an hour - change of scenery, you know. Well, it is a change from the easy chair in the living room. The dogs are going a bit nuts and seem to be worrying the cat who worries them right back. I'm hoping I can keep peace in the household as I'm not sure who would come out on top in the melee, the dogs or the cat. I have a suspicion that it would be the cat...

John went off on the boat on Friday and was expected to be back up Sunday but, sometimes, when you're sailing, you just can't get there from here, and "here" at the moment is Solomon's Island. He holed up there last night, waiting out the storm which evidently is waiting out John. There he sits still tonight as the wind was gale force blowing with gusts up to 25. Waaay too stiff to pilot Namaste safely back to his home port, Harrington Harbor North. His plan is to head out tomorrow, if the seas allow. If not, I'll go run down and pick him up so he can work this week and then return him there next weekend to hopefully bring her home.

Mike was in town last month so Sharyn, Mike, Mom and I headed down to Brookside Gardens in Silver Spring to take in the beautiful gardens and the butterfly exhibit. Mom, Jeff and I had gone to visit the butterfly exhibit back in 2007, right after Dad died. Surprisingly, Mom remembered most of that trip. We had a great day - both times. And, those of you who know Sharyn well probably won't be surprised to know that she was stung by only 1 of 2 poisonous catepillars in Maryland when she inquisitively turned over a leaf that she should have left alone. Her finger was horribly swollen and ugly for a while - actually, it throbbed for a few hours. Bourbon later helped, so she said.

Ok, enough catching up. Better feed the brood, including Gert who is eating me out of house and home. Her appetite is definitely something that is not decreasing with age. She keeps me hopping making her favorite foods - yesterday's was a simmering pot of fresh chicken soup.

SNAKE!

Had some excitement this afternoon when Sharyn and I went out to the back 40 to pick some produce from the garden (that's a panorama picture of the back 40 from my new sony camera...). We took Killian and Wilbur along for the run and were minding our own business in the garden when I went to reach for a jalepeno. I bent down with my face next to the black deer fence, happened to look outside the fence about 1 foot away and saw an interestingly patterned tree lying there. It took me a moment to realize that the "tree" was breathing! I believe my quote was "Holy shit. Holy SHit. Holy SHIt." Sharyn had no idea of what was going on and thought I had possibly seen a spider which frequently brings the same response out of me. This was no spider. Hell no! This was NO spider!

What it was was a SNAKE! Just 1 short foot away from my face was a 6 foot reticulated boa constrictor! Sharyn came over to see the anomaly before me and was sort of speechless. We grabbed both dogs and put them in the house and returned with a large dog crate which we managed to get over the now very pissed snake.

The call to the emergency line at animal control was rather interesting. Sharyn told the woman that we had a 6" boa in the backyard corralled. Perhaps not unreasonably, the dispatcher at animal control didn't quite believe us. Sharyn handed the phone to me where I repeated the story and reiterated that this was a b-i-g snake. She still wasn't gettin' it! She told me that if the emergency "team" would come out, but if it was a wild snake, they wouldn't do anything about it. Now, I know a bit about snakes and knew that this snake was not a Maryland snake but, alas, she still wasn't gettin' it.

So, 40 minutes later, during which Sharyn and I split snake-watch and Gert-watch, the "team" finally responded; it was a team o' one - one Pat McArdle responded to the call. He walked out to the back 40 with Sharyn who had met him in the driveway. He saw the snake and, I believe his quote was .... well, I can't really quote what he said but it contained the "F" word! He couldn't believe what he was seeing. And, he had walked up with a snake catching pole that this thing would have bent in two. So, we were in a bit of quandry about how to get said snake out of the dog crate and off to the Humane Society.

After a bit, Pat went to the truck and returned with a black bag which could be closed on an animal. Convincing a 6' boa constrictor to willingly enter a black bag took some doing but Pat was the man and finally got the snake secured safely in the bag. He weighed right around 40 lbs so we put him in Mom's wheelchair and proceeded to the van where the snake was secured for good. Whew! I was reassured that the snake would not be destroyed which was great - that was important to both Sharyn and me.

So ended our saga with the snake. I'm hoping it's one we don't repeat for a long, long time - make that forever.

UPDATE 8/31/11 - I got an email back from Pat McArdle. The beast was a python measuring TEN FEET LONG! Here's the email:

Thank you very much for the photos. The snake was a Python and it measured around 10 feet.

still very aggressive but they said thats the nature of this breed of snake.

My funny funny mama

OMG! Gert had me just rolling this morning. Let me give you a little background before I get into the funny part...

Mom HATES showering. Even though she just sits there while I do everything, she just gets exhausted. I'm as quick as I can be while I wash her hair and soap her wee body. A shower only lasts around 7 or 8 minutes but, somehow, she's still huffing and puffing at the end of it. I even dry her - I mean, come on! How hard can it be on her? And, she loves the feeling afterwards so it's all worthwhile but, it's a fight to get her to that point...

I've learned that I don't get as much of a fight when the shower dooms if I start the day before with gentle reminders that 'tomorrow, you get a shower.' I'll repeat the mantra when she first gets up and again at bedtime and then, on shower day, I'll remind her in the morning. Sort of gives her a warning. She generally is not in the best mood during these reminders. But, today...

...is shower day. I went in to get her up for breakfast #1 and was about to remind her that it was shower day. She was sitting in bed, shaking her fists up and down and grinning wild. "WTH" is what I was thinking as I peered cautiously into her bedside commode expecting to have a very bad morning. Nothing there. So, I asked her why she was so happy - her reply? "Today is SHOWER DAY! I LOVE taking showers. Yippee!" The woman is crazy...

John's out on the boat for a few days but heading into a safe port in preparation for the hurricane which should hit Maryland on Sunday. He took this pic from the boat this morning at sunrise. I'm so sorry I didn't see this shot in person.

Re: Hurricane Irene; we're not far from where it's projected to come to land in Maryland and expecting winds up to 80 mph tomorrow! Ron had the forethought to get us a generator which is being installed today so we'll have air conditioning, refrigerator and freezer, and mom's oxygen. Good idea - wish I'd thought of it.

Day 3 in the Conch Republic...

Ah, Day 3 in paradise. Sadly, it was our last day but we made every second count. We started out the day with breakfast at Cheeseburgers (again - why mess with the best?) and then headed over to the Hyatt where we clamboured aboard the swim platform with our own portable bar - no $17 drinks for us! Nope, we mixed our own through rain and shine. Swimming, floating and laughing until the normal Key West daily deluge came. Ah, but that didn't stop us. We just took the rain for what it was worth until the thunder started and we ran for cover.

After a short nap, I headed off to get my makeup done at the Pier House Resort which, if you're thinking of doing that in KW, don't bother. Although the guy doing my makeup was more feminine than I (in many ways), I could have pretty much done the same thing. I just sort of looked like a slightly improved version of myself - not worth the $50 - that's, what? 4 cocktails....

Anyway, I met up with John and Bobbi and we headed over to the boat where John had reservations for dinner. The boat was a 33 foot Carver with a nice flying bridge which held 6 people around 3 little tables. We were served in style! After about a 15 minute boat ride to a quiet cove area, hors d'euvres, wine, and dinner ensued. It was delightful. I loved feeding the fish swimming right below us but, alas, no porpoise sightings this time...and no manatees either. But, we did have a gorgeous view of the sunset as can be evidenced from the pics below.

After dinner, we headed up Duval to Better Than Sex, the dessert shop. It's a beautiful setting, the interior bathed in red candles. We sat at the bar and had chocolate rimmed merlot for Bobbi and me and an apple and caramel rimmed glass of beer for John. Some sort of peanut butter concoction followed (I'm told it was the Peanut Butter Perversion....). Ah, our bellies were full but we had one more stop to make.

Under a bit of duress (thanks for the experience, Bobbi...ha), we headed over to the drag show as 801 Bourbon (it's right off Duval). With a $10 cover charge, you'd expect more than a fat purple clothed transvestite lip syncing poorly. The show was really not even third rate - just poor is a kind way to put it. Horrible is more realistic....But, I digressed.

So, we sat up front and watched a few "singers' who were all pretty bad. Eventually, the fat purple clothed (people eater?) appeared and did a grotestque version of some song. When it was over, he/she asked the audience if the horrible song and ridiculous dance moves should be included in his 'repertoire'. WHAT repertoire? He was LIP SYNCING! Good grief. Anyway, everyone else there (all 11 of them) said 'yes' but I didn't say anything. Mom taught me that, if I didn't have anyting nice to say don't say anything at all. So, I took her up on it and didn't say anything. And, evidently, I got in trouble because I didn't say "yes" immediately. But, he/she wasn't going to let me go gently. Nope, he/she wanted a piece of me. So, after admonishing the audience because someone had pointed at a previous dancer and perhaps laughed (thanks, Bobbi), we were lectured because he/she was still crying backstage. The ensuing lecture was certainly directed at us and we were admonished for not allowing people to just be theirselves. Now, anyone who knows our group knows that we love people of all color, creed, or sexual orientation. WE were not the ones to direct this litergy toward....Anyway, regarding the cryer, as John said later, he/she should have put on his/her big boy/girl pants and gotten on with it....good grief.

So, after we were lectured by this rather large man in a girl's outfit (which didn't fit...), the purple clothed monster again looked at me and asked me if his/her song should be included in the "repertoire." I truly didn't think so, but, taking Mom's advice, I didn't want to say 'no' and really thought it best to just say "I don't care." Well, that really set off Barney! The Purple People Eater had his/her dander up. He/she basically ran me out of the place but not before Bobbi and John took off....yep, headed on out and left me to my own wiles. Nice....Now, in all fairness, John says he didn't run off and that he was there with me. I don't remember that part....

So, I went downstairs and demanded my money back at which point the loser behind the counter said he couldn't do that so I threatened publishing my story - the first of which you're reading. I'm planning on writing the newspaper in Key West, posting on Facebook - you name it. Barney's not going to win this one.

John finally pulled me away before, he says, the cops were called and I was hauled off to jail....801 Bourbon? Entertainment? Talent? Not so much. I can only hope the poor boy/girl whose feelings Bobbi hurt stopped sobbing by now...He/she gave "drama queen" a totally new meaning.

Ended up heading over to the Bull and Whistle for a bit more window watching. We managed not to piss off anyone else, at least. So, a great night was had by all.

Headed home at the moment on a plane full of kids - Note to self: don't connect through Orlando. All in all, a very successful trip.