She's one strong cookie

Mom continues to weeble but she's not falling down! In fact, she gave us quite a gift last night when she awoke from a very long nap totally lucid. She knew all of us in the room and even looked at brother Mike and said "Hi, Sweetheart." How very nice. Truly a gift I will always remember. She ate a few cheerios, had a sip of brandy which was shared by all around the bed and then went back into the twilight.

Friends Robin, Bill and Jeff spent yesterday afternoon with us so that was a nice diversion. Linda brought dinner again which was, as always, welcomed and very very tasty. John and I have mostly rebounded from the flu.

Thankfully, Mom has absolutely no pain and what a blessing that is. She continues to weaken but that's ok - as she put it when Dad died: These things happen. She's surrounded by love, some laughter, and a bunch of dogs who periodically sit on her lap.

I've had caregivers at night which is another huge blessing. I did this so long on my own that I really didn't realize the level of exhaustion until it's no longer there. I'm feeling peppier, although I got up at 3:30 this morning to check her and have been up since writing. Just got the urge. Here's the article I wrote:

Preparing for the death of a loved one

Stephanie's birthday - Feb 12th

My 36 year old sister died December 3, 1989 in a one car auto crash. It was an incredibly tough time on our family, most notably, on my Dad who Steph always relied upon. It was during this time that I first saw the strength of character in my Mom, Gertie.

I'm sort of hoping that Mom holds out until Sunday so that she can go join Dad and Steph on what would have been my sister's 59th birthday. Part of me hopes so but part of me just wants her to go in peace whenever.

It is now, as she lies in her hospital bed in my living room, facing the last moments on earth that I see that strength of character again. Hospice workers are amazed that she's still here with us but I'm not. I've seen that strength many many times during the past 5 years that I've been her caregiver. She's taught me many important lessons and we've shared many good times and laughter. We've known the warm love surrounding us from friends and family - my online friend have been an incredible support system to us both as I read their words of love or encouragement to her.

Here's my latest and probably last article for a while: Death and Dying - dealing with the restless patient.

 Mom is waning so I doubt I'll have much time to write. I will try to update the blog though. The picture above is Mom with Bobbi's grandson (I call him Squared) - they have a special connection. My connection with Mom can be seen below:

Gertie-isms - still funny

Mom was lying in bed yesterday, Sharyn and I were in the room. Mom sits straight up in bed and says "Gertie is white!" Well, you know, we just cracked up. She looked at us again and said "Gertie is white!" Sent Sharyn and I over the edge of the abyss into deeper laughter and Mom was smiling too. She was, of course, just smiling at us laughing but it was funny.

Later, Sonia, our wonderful hospice nurse came by to check Mom out (btw, her blood pressure is way better than mine...). Sonia mentioned that, at this stage of life, Mom is awake but might be dreaming inside so her words might not come out as an awake persons would (depending on how much vodka they'd imbibed). So, what she says is not what she means. Which is where I come into play. Being the one who knows her so well, I can generally (important word: generally) guess at what she wants or needs. But, it does lend for some interesting conversation.

Sonia also mentioned that Mom might get agitated by being touched too much. I've noticed this when others have visited and tried to warn them but to no avail. At this stage, she can't process as much outside stimulation - she might yell to turn off the TV or to stop talking. Similar to when a cat will turn and bite the hand that is petting it, Mom is overstimulated in certain situations so my job now is going to be to make sure I read the signs right and protect her from this. This caregiving gig is getting more and more interesting. I sure have learned a lot. I just went back through and updated this article with more information that I've gleaned:

When death looms - the signs and symptoms of the last moments on earth

I personally think everybody should read it and know this information. It's much easier to be more compassionate and kind when you realize that aggression or withdrawal is not directed at any one person. It is, very simply, part of the process.

Here's the companion article if you haven't read it:

The long goodbye - when your job as a caregiver is ending

Superbowl Sunday...

...at noon and Mom is having a cream sherry. Yep, that's right. It's not exactly her breakfast but it's what she wanted afterward so it's what she got. She ate pretty good yesterday and had 1/2 piece of french toast and some yogurt so far today. I, for one, feel a little better when she eats something.

I managed to eek out another Squidoo article today - this one came out to be pretty funny. Here tis:

Senior Citizen Flash Mobs

And this one just needs some views. I'm trying to keep it in the top tier (top 2000 articles on Squidoo) because the payout is around $60/month if I keep it there. So, please share!

Taking the elderly on a cruise

Fresh as a very old daisy

Hospice workers are just amazing. Watching the latest Hospice worker bathe Mom in bed was just like watching a ballet. It was obvious that the woman had rehearsed the moves time and time again and worked very hard at preserving Mom's dignity - which she did. Mom even had her hair washed while lying down (I see a Squidoo article coming). I'm just constantly amazed at the process.

Mom didn't eat much yesterday so she's weak this morning but I think she'll make up for it today. She's already had most of a full cup of coffee and oatmeal.

It's really heartwarming to see Mom's face light up when John comes in the room. She always reaches up with her hand to draw him close for a kiss. Sharyn noted that she does this with men only - I think Sharyn's right. Mom is a flirt any way you look at it. I asked Mom if she was in love with John and her reply was a weak "I'll never tell." Very cute indeed.

I've been blessed with yet another wonderful homecare worker, Elizabeth, who has been spelling me over night. With her help, and that of Doris (another great homecare worker), I've been able to sleep mostly through the night - a huge gift for any caregiver. I'm very very grateful to their support through this time.

Carina and Sharyn are here today so John and I are headed to DC for the day. We rarely have visited the city in the last 4 years so we're overdue. Adam's Morgan is on the menu today - a unique little neighborhood outside DC. There's very interesting restaurants and stores in the area. Since it will be 50 degrees today (what happened to my winter?!), it's convertible weather so even the ride will be nice.

There's one good thing about being bed bound...

..At least to Rita. More time in Mom's arms. When Rita was recovering from eye surgery last year, there was nowhere she'd rather be but in Mom's arms. Mom held her 8 hours a day. It was the cutest thing. And, I caught her there again this morning.

Mom continues to rally and ebb throughout the day and night. She periodically tries to "make a break for it". I just saw her trying and asked her what she was doing. "Hanging out" was the answer. Cute. She's still on the chocolate milk binge and is at the bottom of her second bottle right now. Off we go to make a chocolate milk run.

John and I took the opportunity (with Mike and Sharyn and Carina at the house) yesterday to head to Annapolis where we had a beautiful day walking around in the 70 degree weather. The convertible was a great ride and much laughter was had to and fro. A great time was had.

Update finally

Those of my readers who have been checking in on Gertie's Galavants blog might be wondering about my rather long hiatus from writing this time. I've taken breaks before but never 2 months. Life has just changed significantly over here during the last two months but I will give an update today.

First off, Mom is still fine although we're coming to the end of the road. Her rehab from her broken hip went very well and she rapidly gained strength. She and I were delighted to get her home in December and she was, if not back to 100%, back to walking a bit between the kitchen and the living room where I had her bed set up. In fact, she was doing so well that I moved the bed back upstairs into her bedroom. I had plenty of friends dropping by and we even took a few trips out to lunch with Carina and Sharyn.

On January 24th though, she started to feel differently. Sharyn and I had been out for the day while Carina stayed with her. When we returned, she was very weak and slumped over in her chair, laboring for breath. Interestingly, she'd been fine earlier in the day but, when we returned, it was a very rapid decline in status.

I called hospice and the nurse came out immediately - she thought that we were coming to the end so I called Ron and Mike. But, as is typical of my Mom, she has rallied- sort of. Mike flew in the next day and has been instrumental in keeping me sane as we watch her come and go. She's still lucid and not in any sort of pain at all which is a total blessing.

Hospice instructed me to change her medications to comfort meds only. This meant that I was to hold everything except one blood pressure pill and a pill which helps with breathing. We added in morphine which actually helps relieve strained breathing and a "feel good" drug which relieves anxiety.

The hardest thing in the world for me though was to hold the Megace medication which increased her appetite. I'm a feeder. I was raised that way and that's who I am. My mom never failed to put together a tray of cheese and crackers when company dropped by and I have adopted the same attitude.

It was really very difficult for me to hold this medication while knowing that Mom would not eat nearly as well and would eventually weaken. I talked this decision over with my brothers, and we were all uneasy with this. I spoke again with hospice and got a new perspective.

As we age, our bodies slow in all ways. Food is digested much more slowly which is why the elderly might not be hungry as often as younger people. By giving Megace, Mom's appetite would out run her ability to digest food and would, in fact, make her feel bloated. So, at that point, Megace would not be a "comfort med" and would make her feel worse. Once I saw the whole picture, I got it.

This doesn't mean that I've stopped feeding though. John and I found a chocolate milk that she's wild about. It comes in the old fashioned glass bottle and we've had a few nice discussions about memories of having milk men deliver fresh eggs, bread and milk daily. She drank a whole bottle in two days so I sent Mike and Sharyn off yesterday in search of more which they found.

So, that's pretty much where we are. I can't say enough about the wonderful hospice workers we have coming in daily. Mom receives baths in bed 5 days a week (I premedicate her as she's still a fighter...), a nurse is here every day and, of course, I have the best friends and family in the world. Andi and Howie stopped by a few days ago and spent the whole day with us. What a nice time that was.

Although this is a sad time, it's also a very interesting and amazing time. Mom's rally moments are quite amazing. And, even her down times are sort of amusing - if you keep your sense of humor which, thankfully, I inherited from her.

For instance, here's a typical morning:

Set the stage - 4 am, I'm on the sofa watching her, watching tv. She sits straight up in bed and says "Good Morning, Sweetheart! COFFEE!"

Me: You want coffee now??
Mom: Yes (with rising intensity): COFFEE!!!!
Me: Ok, I'll be right back. I go to the kitchen and make her a cup of fresh coffee. This takes approximately 3 minutes, round trip.
I enter the living room with a steaming cup of coffee.
Mom: Jesus Christ! Where have you been?!
Me: I went to the kitchen to make you coffee. I've been gone 3 minutes!
Mom: Thank God! I haven't had coffee in days!

Short term memory loss is an amazing thing. Now, to get the full impact of this situation, you have to understand that the exact conversation (minus the time of 4 am and the Good Morning, Sweetheart..) goes on about 4 times a day. She forgets I was around at all until I reenter the room. Never fails to crack me up.

So, that is the up to date story. I will start new blog entries with a status update and then try to write as I normally would. I really haven't been writing a lot lately - just haven't felt like it. I was honored though the other day to find one of my articles selected as lens of the day on Squidoo. Here's the one that hit that high honor (note, there are over 2 million articles on Squidoo):

Taking a Cruse with the elderly

And, here's a few other articles that I've managed to squeak out:

Practical gifts for the very elderly
Things I promised my mom I'd never do
Making Valentine's Day special for a senior citizen

And, the one article that was the hardest to write:
The long goodbye, when your job as a caregiver is coming to an end

So, that is that. I'll update as often as I can. And, you can look forward to the following blog posts:

Mom's 95th birthday party
John's new boat and my trip into the Chesapeake Bay's 38 degree water