Wow!THIS was My Bad....

Yes, that clock says 3:45 and that would be AM!

Couldn't understand for the life of me why mom has been up and down all night. Lately, since I told her that my doctor said she had to keep her oxygen in all night so I could sleep, she's been better about staying in bed. But, not this morning....

I've heard my personal 'rolling thunder' starting up just after 1 am. So, up I go to explain to her that it's 1 am and this is just not an acceptable time for coffee. She's confused so I just gently put her back to bed.

At 1:45 am, I hear my personal 'rolling thunder' starting up. So, up I go to explain to her that's it's exactly 45 minutes after the last time she was up and it's STILL not an acceptable time for coffee. She's confused so I lead her back to bed.

At 2:15 am, I hear my personal 'rolling thunder' starting up. So, I run into her bedroom and exclaim 'WHAT are you doing? It's 2:15 am and it's STILL not an acceptable time for coffee. She's confused so I tell her to go back to bed.

At 3:45am, I hear my personal 'rolling thunder' AGAN! - WTF??? I go flying in her room, she's got her robe on with her right arm where the left arm should be. She's got her socks on, and she's ready to roll. So, this time, I'm not quite as gentle before and am almost pulling my hair out when I happen to look at her bedside stand - there's her sleeping pill and tylenol that I forgot to give her before putting her to bed.

This caregiver needs some care....

Can you hear me NOW???

Life around here just gets funnier and funnier, if you have the right sense of humor, which, thankfully, I do (well, now, that really depends on whom you ask, but the ones who would say I do have a great sense of humor are on the top of the list).

Here's a typical conversation which happened today - note: Gertie's hearing is not what it used to be. In fact, put succinctly, it sucks...

Let me set the scene:

I walk into the livingroom with breakfast #2 for Gert (it's 11 and she's a bit off her feed. She's usually chowing down on breakfast #3 by now). Regardless, I digressed...

So, the news is blaring in the livingroom but, you probably know that as you probably heard it too. Loud enough to rattle my back teeth. We were asked by National Airport to turn it down as it was interfering with their communication with the planes....

Anyway, the newscast about the Bronx zoo's lost snake is on and I catch just the end.

Lori: Mom, did they say the snake is still loose?
Gert: What goose?
Lori: Snake. SNake. SNAke. SNAKe. SNAKE!!!! IS IT STILL LOOSE?
Gert: There's two snakes loose?! Where are they??
Lori: WELL, IF I KNEW THAT THEY WOULDN'T BE LOOSE?
Gert: Two loose?
Lori: Sighs. Yes, two loose...

   

Gertie the newscaster: Not...

So, I come into the living room tonight and Mom's watching the news. She informs me that Betty White died? What?? How'd she die? Mom's reply was 'I don't know but she died.' So, I get on the internet, all types of false deaths for the poor woman abound but none from today. So, I get suspicious....

I sit down and watch the news for a moment. Across the bottom of the screen is a message that Betty White was voted the entertainer of the year. Now, the woman has just been awarded the most prestigious award to an entertainer and Mom misread that as she died.

Poor woman (not sure if I'm talking about Betty White or Mom here....).

This is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen on the internet

JB is funny but not like this video

This was on Peggy's facebook - I seriously laughed out loud at this. Not just a 'lol' but, for those who know me, it was a BIG LOL. Too funny. You must watch it more than once to really see the whole thing as you'll be laughing through it the first time:
Click this link: Patty cake with cats

Key West Travels (and Travails)

My friend Robin, whom I've known since I was 10 (she'll say 11 but she's older than me and can't remember things as well as I can...) headed down to Key West last Saturday for a getaway. We both needed it - me taking care of Mom and Robin having all types of family problems. Her big brother, Doug, just died recently and she's dealing with that. And, the poor thing has now lost 3 siblings...life is not fair.

Anyway, the idea of the trip was first broached when John decided to take Kenny (his brother) and his mom and dad on a weeklong cruise. So, they booked it with the first port Key West. Woohoo! Right up my alley. I'm always happy to head back home! So, I asked Robin to come along and we booked Key West for the weekend so we'd have a few days, ostensibly meet John's ship for the day and hang around town, he'd go his way, Rob and I would come home. Ah, but, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Now, Robin and my plan went off without a hitch. We got to KW on Saturday, went over to a great place called Louie's Backyard which is off the beaten path but right on the water. Sat at the bar and had a glass of wine and a really good salmon crostini appetizer (that's a must-get-again if ever there). We waddled back into town, bar hopped a bit and end of day 1.

Day 2 found us pretty much doing the same thing as Day 1 except I went earring shopping happy - 5 pairs, can you believe it?! Yep, well, 6 pairs if you count the little silver pair I bought early in the day for a few bucks. Anyway, Robin and I did about every store (and a few bars) imaginable. Nightfall found us down at Sunset Pier for the Sunset Celebration which was a great time. We then headed to a place Robin had heard of called Better Than Sex. Now, this is a dessert place off Petronia (for those Key West saavy folks) and, the place is justly named (for some ). Better Than Sex specializes in after dinner fare, such as chocolate rimmed dessert wines, ports mixed with raspberry and this chocolate thing that we got that was incredibly good. The place is very dark, lit only with red candles. We sat at the bar and oogled the darling bartender who played up to the crowd. There were 5 ladies at the bar which should tell you how darling the bartender was. We played a couple of rounds of 'who'd you rather' with the other ladies and had a lot of laughs. End of day 2.

Now it gets interesting:

Day 3 what when John's cruise was to port in Key West. Robin and I got up, showered and dressed as we wanted to see the boat port. Well, we were at the port at 7:30 (after picking up an excellent Cuban coffee). It was fairly cool out (60s) and VERY WINDY! Here comes the interesting part. In the picture posted, see that boat out there? Doesn't really look like it's coming in to dock, does it? Well, it DIDN'T! Nope, it was too windy for it to dock so Key West closed its port to a total of 3 cruise ships for the day. John called and, when I asked him where he was (thinking maybe I was wrong and he docked somewhere else on the island - a fleeting thought with an island 2x4 miles and a boat nearly as long...). But, forever hopeful, I asked him where he was and the reply? 30 miles south of Key West. Shoot. Darn. Damn. Ah, oh well....

So, Monday found Robin and me waddling around as before but having a great time nonetheless. We ended up at one of the seedy male review shows after a few too many cocktails and then waddled our way home.

Tuesday went as planned and we returned home to DC. The trip though was a success. It was a lot of fun just reconnecting with an old friend. Robin and I hadn't traveled together since we were 18 or so (let's see, um, 10 years ago? Yeah, right...). We laughed a lot, we cried a bit - all in all, another wonderful weekend in the Keys.

Saturday is the new Fry Day!

Ok, so, John and I wanted something different for breakfast a few weekends ago - bacon and eggs just weren't going to cut it. I remembered a delicious breakfast entree that I had when I was in Edinborough, Scotland a few years back - Scotch eggs. Now, dear reader, don't judge unless you've had this. To make 5 scotch eggs, you need:

• 1 lb roll of sausage
• 5 shelled hardboiled eggs
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• Breadcrumbs
• A dusting of flour (I am drooling as I type this)
• A deep fat fryer (who actually has those anymore? Me...)

1. Divide sausage into 5 pieces and flatten well so you have 5 disks.
2. Wrap each egg in sausage (wet hands help). Close seams - you should have 5 large looking round things.
3. Add a dusting of flour to each sausage/egg round. Dip in egg. Roll in breadcrumbs.
4. Fry until dark brown (about 8 minutes) in 350F oil.

Holy moly! Now, one would NOT want to have scotch eggs probably more than once a year or I can pass you the name of a good cardiologist. 

So, after we fried the scotch eggs, we had all this hot oil and with John and I being ridiculous people, we set about frying everything we could possibly think of. We deep fried a pickle, a hot dog, a piece of salami, a homemade cheese stick (which was as delicious as the eggs), and, as we were running out of ideas, a homemade blintze. The hot dog was really the only loser of the group and the blintze was, if sacriligious, surprisingly delicious.

A story about a tootsie roll...

Ok, I've found a new internet site on which to get residual earnings on writing, ListMyFive.com. My best ever internet friends, Peggy and Joan, are also not-so-willing participants at the site. I say not-so-willing as, collectively, we earn, oh, maybe 3 cents a day on articles. Yes, you read that right....3 cents a day COLLECTIVELY. Now, I appear to be ahead of the curve, having earned almost $3.75 this month alone (no, it's not going to carry me into my twilight years in Key West, but, dammit...it's a start). Anyway, I was lamenting with my pals about what I could do with my big ONE CENT earning today. I asked Peggy and Joan if there was even penny candy made these days.

Joan replied that they make a teeny weeny itsy bitsy tootsie roll - a mini, mini sized Tootsie roll which is sold at her local drug store. Somewhere back in the archives of my mind, I got to thinking about a Gert story...


When Mom was about 75 or so, Mom and Dad were driving from Phoenix to Las Vegas, a trip of around 5 hours. They were about half way there, and approaching a very small town called Nothing, Arizona, population 2 - Google today reports that the population of Nothing, Arizona is now 4 so someone was busy...

Anyway, Mom wanted Dad to stop in Nothing because she wanted to get a candy bar. Dad, being Dad,. really just wanted to get to Vegas and didn't want to stop but Mom pestered him and pestered him and, as was her wont, got her way. 'Fine' he said, we'll stop but he wasn't happy about it.

So, they went into the one and only store in Nothing, Arizona. Mom says it had one gas pump and a small store that sold pepsis, cokes, and potato chips and candy (the important part to the story is the 'candy' part).

Mom at that time wanted a candy and picked out a tootsie roll. You know the kind; they looked like something that was coming out of the body instead of going in...So, Dad got Mom a tootsie roll that she reports was older than she was. She went to bite down on it and her mouth was not round any longer; it was square. She had broken her jaw on a tootsie roll! Big bummer. Mom had to have her jaw wired, which I don't recall Dad complaining about, for a month or so. I'm not sure she ever got over that tootsie roll. That tootsie roll cost her $1500 she says. And, as she says at this very moment, "I don't like tootsie rolls anymore."

So, as her 94th birthday rapidly approaches, we at least know what NOT to get her!

How to have a bad day on a sailboat...Another found post from last year...

That should be the eHow I write after viewing the disasterous results when this sailboat hit the Narrows Bridge over on Tilghman Island. NO - it was not Namaste II. John actually handles his boat quite well, as could be proven when we docked in a slip about 12" deep (that's the beauty of this boat - the engine can be raised and it can go in 12" of water - sweet). Anyway, it was a baaaaaad day for someone.... but a great day for us. Too N2 over to the island last weekend for a few cocktails at a Tiki bar. We just love sitting outside on the water - what a joy.

Our green bean produce count so far....Left over post from 7/2009

One. A single. A lone bean. One green bean - you read that right - 'ONE' green bean. One lonely bean, hanging by its lonesome. The rabbits must have missed it. Sucks. That's $500 a bean at last count.

We've harvested 4 tomatoes so far and, yes, Matee is chewing into one in the photo to the left. Who would ever think that a dog would salivate for a tomato? The little sucker ate the whole thing, except for the skin. She left the skin in pieces on the deck.

I yelled 'I got this!' (aka - shoot. I lost my shoe)

So, for those following readers who saw my post where John fell off the jet ski (with much aplomb), I'm guessing you'll see where we're headed with this post.

So, yesterday, the first full day of vacation at the bay house started off promising, with calm seas and a light breeze. Bobbi and I decided to head off on the jet ski (bad decision #1) for a buzz of the Chesapeake beach and a run up to Harrington Harbor South where Ron's boat, the Bottom Line, is docked for the week. The plan was in full effect until we entered the harbor and went to pull up next to his boat. Now, for those jet ski neophytes, when one turns off the jet ski, one has absolutely no control of the craft, and I turned it off too far from the Bottom Line so we were coming in a too fast and rapidly approaching its towering hull. So, I made the executive decision to sacrifice my dignity and hit the drink to keep the two items from a certain colllision. My decision might have been different if the jet ski was white and matched the hull of the Bottom Line, I might have risked a slight bump which Ron certainly wouldn't have even felt within the cushioney confines of his ship but the jet ski, alas, is red and I didn't want a spec of red paint adorning that mammoth hull. So, in I slithered, much to the amusement of all onlookers. Lucy and Ethel were firmly in the show.

And that wasn't nothin...

So, I made my undigified climb back onto the jet ski. Bobbi was sitting sidesaddle (she's such a girl) and, at one point. started to slip off backward. She was hanging onto the ski, but there was a very real possibility that she was going to flip us (and I had just climbed out..), and we weren't even moving. So, I yelled 'get off. Get Off. GET OFF!' with rising intensity, and, with that final pleading yell, I did what any good captain of a ship would do - I pushed her off. Yep, into the drink in the harbor she went. I will admit that my planned entrance had a bit more panache to it than her rather ineloquent 'splash', but, again, that wasn't nothin.

So, here we both are, wet and thirsty and gratefully accepted the screwdrivers handed our way, once the people on the Bottom Line could stand up as their laughing fits subsided. One smartass yelled 'you guys are a hazard.' Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

Anywho, the Bottom Line left with nary a wave - I don't think Ron wanted to know us at this point (a rather familiar stance) but Lucy and Ethel were still in the dock. It took us a good 5 minutes to get out of this huge slip. We were hanging onto ropes, pulling and tugging to try and get the ski into the right position before Lucy hit the gas. Ok on this one. A successful, if funny, disembarkation was obtained.

The Bottom Line was almost clearing the no wake zone by the time we pulled into the harbor and little Lori wanted to catch up and, well, that's not exactly true. Little Lori wanted to lap the Bottom Line on her little bitty jet ski. The Bottom Line was probably moving at 30 knots; eh, that's nothing on the jet ski. John and I had it up to 51 on the potomac but, dear readers, the potomac is still waters compared to a light chop on the bay yesterday. And the light chop wasn't about to be the problem.

So, we had a nice smooth ride inside the wake of the Bottom Line until Little Lori decided to make her move - yes! We were close enough to move outside the wake and pass the boat, that fancy beautiful boat was about to be placed asunder with a roaring jet ski. I even had a nice little wave planned as we zipped past. Well, I went to cross the wake, being the idiot I am, and didn't even think of the physics of water - the bigger the boat, the bigger the wake. And me with my college degree...

If a picture is worth a thousand words:

Well, through the first six footer wake wave, we gallantly clung to the rocking beast. I believe I heard expletives but that could have been inside my head.

The real problem was, when I hung on through that 6 foot monster wake, I hit the throttle and sped up the ski and that was all she wrote. Holy crap, Batman! We both went flying! Arms waving, legs splayed, tumbling with the greatest of ease (not). Over and over we sailed. I know I hit the water after at least a 6 foot drop!

Sputtering to the surface, the good captain I am (and any good captain should place their passengers well being ahead of theirs), yelled 'Damn! I lost my shoe!' Bobbi was just coming up and said with a totally incredulous tone - 'You lose your SHOE? You've lost your MIND!'' And we all know, a mind is a horrible thing to lose.

The jet ski, upon the initial approach to wave #2, had sped up with huge momentum so it ended up about 100 yards away. However, it stopped as the jet ski Gods planned, but someone had to go swimming for it. I looked with askance at Bobbi but decided not to even offer the possibility that she practice her breast stroke so off I went. By the time I had gotten to the jet ski, the Bottom Line had turned around to come check on funeral arrangements. Being fine, albeit a little sore, we suffered the laughs and gahuffs of the crew and climbed aboard the jet ski for the ride back home. And, thank you God, no further idiot moves were taken on the ride home. But, we both wanted OFF this Gilligan's Island tour.

Later that day, I almost fell off John's boat while docked in Herrington North, spewing a cup of red wine on his white boat. I couldn't be trusted to even be alone, so came back to this marvelous house and bellied up to the bar, never to leave the warm confines of the terra firma again. Or so I thought....

Later that day....

John took out his 4 in 1 boat (it sails, it's a sailboard, a high speed towable and something else). It was the first time he's sailboarded it and he would have been ok if he had allowed for the compression of air once it's cold (another physics lesson). He inflated said boat and headed out. He just didn't inflate it enough. Once the air inside the boat cooled from the bay water, the boat deflated enough to make it impossible to stand upon. Sharyn's son, Carl, was here and witnessed John's voyage - I think someone said he was headed to Cuba last time they saw him. So, being the dutiful significant other I am, I grungingly crawled onto the dreaded jet ski for a tour #2 of the bay to go retrieve him. As I was scanning the horizon, I was just a bit concerned until a kayaker waved me over. All he said was 'Are you looking for...', I laughed and said 'Yes.' He pointed me to a small beach where John and what was left of his ego was perched. It wasn't our day for the water.

We sure did have fun though I'm spending a lot of time making it up to dear Bobbi, who enchanted us all by showing us the large purple bruise forming on her butt. Even Mom was amazed at the multitudes of colors, swirls, and bumps.

Here's a few pictures from our journey so far. Niece Monya proved to the be the best guest ever by bringing all kinds of stuff with her - lox, bagels, cream cheese, popcorn, steaks, etc etc. She came down with a really delightful friend of hers (Laura) who was also a load of fun. Mike, Bea, Josh, and Becky are here from Arizona and Mom's really enjoying having them with her. Ron and Linda, and friend Sharyn who came up from NC round out the troups. Linda has also been amazing with putting together dinners and all types of delicious foods as I sit on my ass (just the way a vacation should be). Kimmie is visiting sometime this week so we're surrounded by love, laughter and friends. A great vacation and it's only day 2...

He muttered "I got this..."

...right before he fell off the jet ski.

So.....John and I took the new toy out on the Potomac yesterday. A Honda jet ski with turbo, no less. Like we needed extra power.

The weather threatened rain but we had an hour or so to play around and see what kind of rocket we had under us. Loads of fun - LOADS. We zoomed up almost to White's Ferry before turning around as the impending storm had me worried. We did get to explore parts of the river I've never been to before, and it was beautiful to see the great blue herons perching and looking for food. The day was great, and dry (at least for me...).

The river was amazing, almost glassy in spots with only a light chop in other areas, water temperature had to be around 70 or so (as would be tested by John later on).

On the way back to the boat ramp, we passed a fishing boat with 2 guys rowing - just didn't look right to me. One guy waved his hands in the air so we jetted over to check on their demise. Battery died and they were about a mile upstream (at least they had a paddle...). So, we ended up hooking the bow of their boat to the stern of the ski and pulled them to where their trailer was. They were very grateful and, having been on the rowing end of things previously, we were happy to return the favor.

So, we dropped them off and jetted back to our boat ramp at break neck speed. The thing is FAST.

We got back to Riley's Lock, where we had put in and there was some boat traffic in the area with people trying to beat the storm and pull their boats out. Interestingly, Montgomery County Water Rescue had been practicing on the river all day so there were three or four pontoon boats waiting to pull out. So, we just idled in a circle, too and fro, awaiting our turn. I could see picnicers looking out at the water and wishing they were us. There was a whole Spanish family perched on the bridge whom we had waved to, content in the thought that it was so very good to be us.

So, John just drove us around in small circles, waiting our turn, waiting, waiting, until...

He had reversed at one point and then put the ski in forward but had turned the handle bars too far to the left when he nudged the gas....

Right before he slid off, his blue eyes flew open and registered a moment of disbelief - this could NOT be happening. I think the "I got this' comment was more to convince himself that he was not going in the drink. Not to John, not this fabulous waterman, not in the middle of the canal, not with a group of Spanish picnicers (and about 100 other onlookers) laughing. No, he wouldn't, dammit.

So, he scrambled, much like a sleeping cat getting ready to fall off a warm perch. The ski pitched and yawled, port and starboard. John clung furiously to the slippery seat before sliding, quite unceremoniously, into the pea green swirl we call a canal. I believe his nail marks are still in the seat. I did make a feeble attempt at rescue by grabbing his arm (he claims I pushed him) before I realized it was every man (woman) for herself as I was NOT going in the drink. And, I didn't.

And so he slid. Almost with grace, almost with intent, in that slow motion feeling we get before something bad happens. He was in the water and back on the ski so quickly he almost didn't get wet. Needless to say, his ego was even more bruised by the fact that he got a smathering of applause, and I couldn't stop laughing. Interestingly enough, of the twelve water rescue guys, I don't think even one saw him hit the water.

I'm still laughing. OMG - it was one of the funniest things ever. And, I'm so very grateful that he has a wonderful sense of humor as I really bust out in full bell laugh about once an hour right now. He's still shaking his head and muttering 'I had that...'

From the mouth of 'old' babes...

So, Mom wasn't doing so fantastic today and decided to just stay home for happy hour instead of meeting some old high school friends. I had Gert propped up outside on the deck, swathed in her new Mother's Day blanket when I went inside to mix a Gin martini. Uh oh; dropped the lid and it disappeared into the area under the cabinet that I affectionately think of as my own Bermuda triangle. I got down on hands and knees (no easy feat these days and I don't just mean because of age. Try kneeling down with 5 dogs in the house who all take that as a signal for a love fest....). Anyway, the top had rolled way out of reach, right smack dab in the back between two quarters and one forgotten jelly bean. Resigned to the fact that I was gin topless, I went outside and explained my demise to mom. As always, she had the right take on the situation. She said:

"Honey, that's not a problem. Just drink more gin."

Duh. Now why didn't I get my mom's smarts?...

A funny thing happened on the way to the Tiki Bar...

So, John and I boarded the boat for a 'day at sea' even though we didn't make the Carnival cruise. We were headed down to the Tiki Bar with the idea of having a few cocktails while reclining in the sun before heading over to a quiet cove for dinner and a beautiful anchor out evening. Great idea, wrong wind...

One of the things that I just love about sailing is 'you can't always get there from here.' Well, that's not true - we could have gotten there but, on the tack we were sailing, Dunn's River was smack dab ahead and winds were stiff so off we sailed. Change of plans work so well for us as we're both so flexible and not the least bit disappointed to let Mother Nature just push us where she wanted us to go. And, we couldn't have ended up in a more gorgeous spot.


So, we set off to sail around ten am. John had to reef the sail, which basically means there was some swearing, some sweating and some laughing as he set the sail up to be just half full. The wind was too stiff to have it go any further. As it was, Namaste clipped along at 7.2 knots and left quite a wake behind us. I didn't take the wheel on the way out as the wind was too much for me to even consider but John handled that boat like the pro sailor he is. So, we ended up rounding the bend into Dunn's River to the cove in about three hours.

There were only a handful of sailboats moored when we arrived so we picked a spot and put down the anchor. Up wine glass, toasting ensued, chicken was grilled and a fine time was had just watching the sun go down and enjoying an incredible evening on the water. It was 9:30 pm before we even realized the sun was setting! All in all, a fabulous evening on the Namaste. That boat is so meant to be. And, so is the Tiki Bar, in the very near future....who knows what winds will blow next weekend...

Well, since we didn't do the cruise, we've had some quite nice happy hours on the verandah with friends. Here's a fab picture (thanks Nikon ...) of Bobbi and newest little girl Gizmo.

And, these pics are the result of our run to Ron's house for Mother's Day after the non-cruise. A really great time was had.

Update on outcome of the Cruise to Nowhere (literally).

So, I heard back from Vacations To Go, the booking agent I used to book the Cruise to Nowhere - unless you consider the sitting in the Baltimore port 'somewhere.' Anyway, they've agreed to return all of the cash outlaid on the cruise which we couldn't, quite sadly, take. I was impressed with the speed of their decision, having spent 3 sleepless nights kicking myself. But, in the end, as Bubie said, everything worked out the way it was supposed to. So, onward and upward to the Beach House in June, which, I'm confident, Mom will enjoy more anyway. She'll have access to a daily newspaper, a bayfront suite, gourmet dinners (as long as Sharyn is cooking), friends and family and a few dogs thrown in for good measure. John will bring the sailboat(s) down for some bay fun during the day, gambling in the evenings at the local casino, and happy hours at the neighborhood bar. Am getting excited already. Decided to not even unpack the suitcases...they'll just await the next trip.

A funny thing happened on the way to the cruise...

...or not. Depends on your point of view.

So, I spent at least 5 days making sure I had everything needed to keep Mom healthy and happy for our 7 day cruise on the Carnival Pride out of Baltimore. New clothes? Check. Medicines for 9 days (just in case)? Check. Ensure plus meal supplements? Check. The Mary Tyler Moore show, season 1? Check. Keeping Mom propped up mentally and physically until we sailed Sunday? Check (and exhausting). Ad nauseum.

Packing for 2 (or sometimes, three...John's swim trunks? Check...)...I digressed.

Since I chose not to breed (thank the Lord for small favors), I'm not quite used to being so responsible for the health and well being of someone else, but I did my damnedest to anticipate all of Mom's needs. Stockpile of magazines? Check. Warm clothes? Check. Small lap blanket? Check. Shaving her legs? Check. Checking that walker would go through the cabin's bathroom door? Screeching halt. S-C-R-E-E-C-H-I-N-G HALT! WTF??!

Now, when I booked the cruise, Eduardo, my cruise 'assistant' ensured me that I had the largest room next to the penthouse. Liar, liar, his pants are on fire. I quizzed him at length about the room setup and was assured that this room would work for the three of us. This room was nowhere near the largest, as could be evidenced by the fact that John and I peered into and entered many rooms on our frantic rush to the front desk of the Carnival Pride to try and rectify this potentially lethal situation. Mom, thankfully, took this development with grace and humor and laid down for a nap, content in the thought that 'I had it' (thanks again, Phyllis).

Let me tell you, the front desk personnel were not the friendliest, or most sympathetic folk. In fact, they could have cared less about our plight. Just wait until that 21 year old who 'helped' us ages...Note to self: I knew there was a reason I didn't want to sail with Carnival...

Anyway, I was in a mild panic, which escalated, when we found that the cruise was fully booked and we couldn't move to a more appropriate cabin. And, as the time neared to pulling out from the dock, the panic really set in. We just couldn't be trapped on this ship with a 93 year old who couldn't use the cabin bathroom! OMG! WTF? I repeat. WHAT THE F....!!!! So, we bundled Mom back up and raced downstairs where a manager assured me that we wouldn't be trapped. Turns out that they tell people they're leaving at 4 instead of the planned 5 pm departure for the 'dawdlers.' Why can't people just be on time? Anywho...

The manager was quite accommodating while listening to my panicked plea to please let us off this boat! She calmed me down and escorted our small party through the bowels of the ship. We were salmon swimming upstream but, shoot, I didn't care. All I longed for was the shore of the good old Baltimore cruise port.

I breathed a sigh of relief once we hit the on ramp (an 'off ramp' for our purposes...) and rolled back into the port to sit and wait for our luggage, which appeared 1.15 hours later. The port employees were quite wonderful and were, unlike Carnival, sympathetic to our plight. So, here we were, 3 very weary 'travelers' (having traveled an hour to the port), dumped unceremoniously in a small heap in plastic chairs being looked upon in askance from others boarding. And, on Mother's Day, no less. Shoot....

John and I did have the foresight to pack a few cocktails in mom's wheelchair - we figured we could always tell security, if they found the hidden stash, that mom needed her little nip to keep her quiet...So, after a trip to the vending machine and under the 'non'-watchful eyes of the security guard (no sense of humor at all), a Pepsi (yuck) was had and poured along with a few miniatures of Seagrams. I went to take the picture posted above and the same security guard who was so on the ball (missing the fact that a 93 year old was getting drunk in front of her) yelled at me that no photos were allowed and I had to delete it. Yeah, right. Witness the fact that I have the photo...

But, lessons learned:

1. Although I've long realized it, John is an amazing, extraordinary man. He took the travails of yesterday with very good graces, much the way my Dad would have. I can't even imagine how my life would have been in prior years when I wasn't with a good traveler. The contrast was striking as John hid his own disappointment and was noting but supportive to both Mom and me. There was no anger, no resentment, no 'you ruined my good time.' John is as interested in keeping my mom healthy and happy as I am and is a full team member of 'Team Gert.' I can't imagine life without him. I'm firmly in love with this fabulous man. Amazing, fabulous man. His wisdom way belies his years. I'm struck on a daily basis to how similar to my Dad he is. Dad would have loved this man. As does Mom. This time around, I got it so right it's amazing.


Mom said that my Bubie (my grandmother) used to say that things work out for the best. I didn't realize that this creed, which I've long adopted, was in my genes. I firmly, FIRMLY believe that everything happens for the best. And, that though has gotten me through some pretty horrible times.

So, in the end, we decided to crash dinner at Ron's house where merriment was revisited. Steaks were served up, family warmth was provided, plenty of wine was had, and, well, a calm port within the storm was provided. And, in the end, perhaps that's where Mother's Day for my darling, wonderful mother was meant to be spent. Mom was certainly pleased, and, I believe, so was Dad. He wouldn't, however, be pleased with the fact that I appear to be out about $3K even though we have cruise insurance (don't book with Vacations to go....). Oh, I'm not about to give up but I've got a fight on my hands. Great. Just what I needed...

eBay-itis...

Oy, do I have it bad! I got started playing around with selling some crap (er....treasures) on eBay and now I don't appear to be able to stop! Niece Monya is helping me hone my selling instincts, which, for any of you who really know me, are pretty good in the first place. John has threatened to take us to Vegas just to go to the Pawn Stars store so I can bargain with Big Hoss. He thinks that would be fun. Sad sense of humor...

Anyway, so far, I have a nifty wooden salad bowl for sale, Vintage (1960s) 11" Haiti-made wood salad bowl/extra, along with a Lladro statue that has been collecting dust: Lladro 1421 The Debutante and Original box - FABULOUS,  and some Careprost eyelash solution which is the same as Latisse but I can't say that one eBay: Careprost longer eyelash solution + applicators -   it's a bit like fishing to me and a whole lot of fun. I'm resisting the urge to do dumpster diving today but I'm seeing a new pasttime for Gert and myself.

Now, the real problem is that I decided to visit some yard sales yesterday, specifically to find things to put on eBay. Niece Monya assured me that there was cash in them thair junk. So, off I go...

Long story short, I now am the proud owner of a plant stand ($3), 2 nifty purses ($2 each) and a 'vintage' (read: old) hand crank beater that I just thought was cool ($4). Of course, I don't have plans to sell any of my new treasures. Mom was rolling when I walked in the house - she said she knew that was going to happen. Live and learn.


I've got a dog down with a hurt wing - Killian. Ugh. And, it appears as though it might be rotator cuff tear which is about to be very expensive - wonder if I can sell him on eBay. Ok, ok, all of you dog people, I'm only kidding. I was the one who rescued him from the vet's office when he was taken there to be put down 8 years ago. No way I'd let him stay there - he didn't know that though and was a big, trembling baby who was hugging my knees when we were at the vet. The thing though is that, since I have to keep him 'quiet' for 10 days (no running, jumping or merriment of any type), I've had to walk him on short walks for the last 3 days - the amazing part is that he's tuning back up and listening and responding to me much better. Of course, I knew all of this from my years of dog training but just sort of got lazy and, with a nice backyard and a gaggle of dogs to play with, I didn't really think he was missing our one-on-one time. Little did I know that, not only was he missing it, but so was I. Have had a few really nice rambles with the boy. I believe I'll continue the trend even after his wing is healed. My wallet and I are really hoping there's no surgery involved.

My new camera continues to delight me. I love this picture of Rita, even if it is a little overexposed. And, this is my new favorite picture of John. I'm so glad I finally got this camera - I think a lot of good photos will be forthcoming once I learn how to use the thing!

Passover et al

Well, once again, I find that so much time has passed without updating this blog. Geez...life just keeps getting in the way. So, here goes.

Mom kept asking when Passover was so I took that as gentle hint (as is her wont) that she was missing Passover so a seder we would make. Now, when I was growing up, Dad always did the seder (meaning he read the Haggadah - the Passover book, to you gentiles in the audience). Dear Joe, well, had his own style which obviously stuck as he was sitting right at that table with us.

Let me set the stage:

Our 'congregation' was Bobbi, John, Gert and me (and 5 dogs and 1 cat).
The Passover plate was filled with 1 egg, horseradish, basil (our 'bitter herb' as I didn't have any parsley), 1 chicken bone (no lamb shank either) and various other substitutions which might be too embarrassing to dwell upon.

So, we sit down to the table and I start in on reading the Haggadah...

I think I might have made it to page 6 and the paragraph that starts in on 'Rabbi Ebenezer' (or whichever that rabbi is), and, honest, I could hear Dad saying...

'And....we'll skip....'

So, off Joe would tool to, oh, maybe page 12 or so but he would never tell anyone where he was so we would all furiously thumb through the book until Steph (the little suckup) would usually whisper 'He's on page 12, 3rd paragraph). We'd all head there, only to find that dear Joe had skipped somewhere else. Ah, the good old days.

So, it wasn't without surprise that the congregation couldn't follow me. We had our own version of 'seder-lite' but a fabulous time was had by all. And, egg soup and Manischewitz wine are fabulous once a year....

The weather lately has been wonderful so I've been able to get Mom out more. We met up with Linda (sis-in-law) and had a great lunch over in Olney last week.I think we all loved the break from normal routine. I took Mom through The Home Place (site of all those wonderful trays we now own - sigh). I should have known better. I spent the whole time prying things out of her arthritic hands (they hang onto stuff pretty good...). Much to her chagrin, there were no more trays, cups, or plates coming home with us this time. We stopped at a nursery also to start working on the garden and nabbed some lettuce which is, sadly, still sitting on my deck out back. The garden is READY to go though so will start planting very soon.

Mom and I headed over to Ron's gang last night for a wonderful dinner for Easter - although we don't celebrate this holiday, we're not about to turn down a free (and good!) meal. So, off we tooled. I had put Mom in the sun yesterday while I did some stuff to the deck and, although I kept an eye on if she was tanning, I wanted her to get a little color. Well, she ended up with some giant raccoon eyes! Note to self: suntan lotion or that huge umbrella would be a good future plan.

Gert - the tomboy

So, talking about the blog yesterday triggered the fact that I really haven't recorded a whole lot of her memories - the blog has become more daily life. Figured it was time to get the story from her point of view.

One of my favorite stories that she tells is from when she was 10-12 years old. There was a garage by her house in St. Joe which had a flat roof, flanked on one side by a nice telephone pole with foot holds. Mom, being a bit of a tomboy back in the day, climbed up the telephone pole and was sitting on the tall roof when her Mother spied her. Now, Bubie was so mild mannered and easy-going that this must have almost put her away for good. But, she kept her calm, came out to stand under where Mom was, looked up and said, quite pleasantly:

'Daugher! How did you get up there?'
Mom replied 'I climbed up here.'
Bubie played her cards right, kept her calm and said with a tone of awe, 'Show me how you did that...'.
So, Mom climbs on down (she's laughing here as she tells me this story again). When Mom got back to the ground, Bubie swatted her and said 'Now, don't ever do that again!' And Mom never did.

On Malapropisms

So, spent a while this morning trying to dig up the term where an incorrect word is used as a substitute for the correct word - such as 'Cinderella' vs 'Citronella.' I always thought is was a spoonerism, and, after much searching, have determined this particular issue is called a malapropism. And, it's hereditary. Here's some of mine:

For all intensive purposes - should be 'for all intents and purposes'
'I'm not talking 'bout the linen - should be 'I'm not talking 'bout movin in' (from Hall and Oates song)
I pledge allegience to the flag for Richard Stands - always wondered who Richard Stands was.

And a host of others. Those who know me well can hear these almost daily when I'm in my car, singing a song. I'm famous for it. I get that from my Daddy. Comforting to know the pear doesn't fall far from the bush.

On Cinderella vs Camomile

Ok, so John and my Dad share a lot of good traits, and a lot of funny ones too. It constantly strikes me how similar they are in a lot of ways - probably why I totally adore John so much.

Anyway, Dad could never remember the name of citronella candles. Every year, before summer, he'd make sure I bought 'Cinderella candles' and, of course, every single year, I would just ROLL over this.

So, tonight, John comes to me and says 'We need more of those camomile candles.' Of course, I just rolled over that.