A funny thing happened on the way to the cruise...

...or not. Depends on your point of view.

So, I spent at least 5 days making sure I had everything needed to keep Mom healthy and happy for our 7 day cruise on the Carnival Pride out of Baltimore. New clothes? Check. Medicines for 9 days (just in case)? Check. Ensure plus meal supplements? Check. The Mary Tyler Moore show, season 1? Check. Keeping Mom propped up mentally and physically until we sailed Sunday? Check (and exhausting). Ad nauseum.

Packing for 2 (or sometimes, three...John's swim trunks? Check...)...I digressed.

Since I chose not to breed (thank the Lord for small favors), I'm not quite used to being so responsible for the health and well being of someone else, but I did my damnedest to anticipate all of Mom's needs. Stockpile of magazines? Check. Warm clothes? Check. Small lap blanket? Check. Shaving her legs? Check. Checking that walker would go through the cabin's bathroom door? Screeching halt. S-C-R-E-E-C-H-I-N-G HALT! WTF??!

Now, when I booked the cruise, Eduardo, my cruise 'assistant' ensured me that I had the largest room next to the penthouse. Liar, liar, his pants are on fire. I quizzed him at length about the room setup and was assured that this room would work for the three of us. This room was nowhere near the largest, as could be evidenced by the fact that John and I peered into and entered many rooms on our frantic rush to the front desk of the Carnival Pride to try and rectify this potentially lethal situation. Mom, thankfully, took this development with grace and humor and laid down for a nap, content in the thought that 'I had it' (thanks again, Phyllis).

Let me tell you, the front desk personnel were not the friendliest, or most sympathetic folk. In fact, they could have cared less about our plight. Just wait until that 21 year old who 'helped' us ages...Note to self: I knew there was a reason I didn't want to sail with Carnival...

Anyway, I was in a mild panic, which escalated, when we found that the cruise was fully booked and we couldn't move to a more appropriate cabin. And, as the time neared to pulling out from the dock, the panic really set in. We just couldn't be trapped on this ship with a 93 year old who couldn't use the cabin bathroom! OMG! WTF? I repeat. WHAT THE F....!!!! So, we bundled Mom back up and raced downstairs where a manager assured me that we wouldn't be trapped. Turns out that they tell people they're leaving at 4 instead of the planned 5 pm departure for the 'dawdlers.' Why can't people just be on time? Anywho...

The manager was quite accommodating while listening to my panicked plea to please let us off this boat! She calmed me down and escorted our small party through the bowels of the ship. We were salmon swimming upstream but, shoot, I didn't care. All I longed for was the shore of the good old Baltimore cruise port.

I breathed a sigh of relief once we hit the on ramp (an 'off ramp' for our purposes...) and rolled back into the port to sit and wait for our luggage, which appeared 1.15 hours later. The port employees were quite wonderful and were, unlike Carnival, sympathetic to our plight. So, here we were, 3 very weary 'travelers' (having traveled an hour to the port), dumped unceremoniously in a small heap in plastic chairs being looked upon in askance from others boarding. And, on Mother's Day, no less. Shoot....

John and I did have the foresight to pack a few cocktails in mom's wheelchair - we figured we could always tell security, if they found the hidden stash, that mom needed her little nip to keep her quiet...So, after a trip to the vending machine and under the 'non'-watchful eyes of the security guard (no sense of humor at all), a Pepsi (yuck) was had and poured along with a few miniatures of Seagrams. I went to take the picture posted above and the same security guard who was so on the ball (missing the fact that a 93 year old was getting drunk in front of her) yelled at me that no photos were allowed and I had to delete it. Yeah, right. Witness the fact that I have the photo...

But, lessons learned:

1. Although I've long realized it, John is an amazing, extraordinary man. He took the travails of yesterday with very good graces, much the way my Dad would have. I can't even imagine how my life would have been in prior years when I wasn't with a good traveler. The contrast was striking as John hid his own disappointment and was noting but supportive to both Mom and me. There was no anger, no resentment, no 'you ruined my good time.' John is as interested in keeping my mom healthy and happy as I am and is a full team member of 'Team Gert.' I can't imagine life without him. I'm firmly in love with this fabulous man. Amazing, fabulous man. His wisdom way belies his years. I'm struck on a daily basis to how similar to my Dad he is. Dad would have loved this man. As does Mom. This time around, I got it so right it's amazing.


Mom said that my Bubie (my grandmother) used to say that things work out for the best. I didn't realize that this creed, which I've long adopted, was in my genes. I firmly, FIRMLY believe that everything happens for the best. And, that though has gotten me through some pretty horrible times.

So, in the end, we decided to crash dinner at Ron's house where merriment was revisited. Steaks were served up, family warmth was provided, plenty of wine was had, and, well, a calm port within the storm was provided. And, in the end, perhaps that's where Mother's Day for my darling, wonderful mother was meant to be spent. Mom was certainly pleased, and, I believe, so was Dad. He wouldn't, however, be pleased with the fact that I appear to be out about $3K even though we have cruise insurance (don't book with Vacations to go....). Oh, I'm not about to give up but I've got a fight on my hands. Great. Just what I needed...