When I am old...

So, I'm here at just Day 2 alone with Mom. The person I thought would be a fabulous caregiver (ok, I did meet her in a parking lot but she does have a gorgeous 7 week old bulldog...how bad could she be?)...Anyway, the person I thought would be a fabulous caregiver didn't show up today and, ostensibly, won't on Sunday when I have her scheduled either. So, I'm on my own. Yep, sitting here on my own.

"Here" at the moment is the back deck. I rarely am not in the same room with Mom (that can cause disastrous results if I'm not there when she calls), so, if she's in the living room, I'm in the living room, if she's in the kitchen, then - you get the idea. Anyway, I opened the window so that I will hear her if she calls or rings those dastardly bells I put on her walker. What was I smoking again?

So, I have a lot of time to reflect. And, that's exactly what I do. I came up with this - ah - poem; yeah, that's the ticket. It's a p-o-e-m. Maybe a - ah - musing is better. Yeah, that's the ticket. It's a mus-ing...

I don't believe I need to tell you who it is dedicated to...

When I am old..

When I am old, I promise NOT to:

1. Continue to insist I don't need a hearing aid when countless number of people all of as sudden are telling me I do. I promise to listen to them - well, the best I can.

2. Pick up my feet! The swish, swish of aging feet sliding across wooden floors can make a grown woman's bones grind.

3. Argue when shower time comes. It's in everyone's best interest to smell good when we're older. Trust me on this.

4. Sneak the dogs food when my daughter (well, ha, this won't happen!) specifically told her that the dogs were getting too heavy.

5. Reach for a mug that's just t-h-a-t much out of reach.

6. Leave my tissues hanging from chair corners, under pillows, inside clothing, or, on a very rare occasion, draped on top of the clean (?) kitchen counter.

7. Let fly with bodily noises that, as children, we were taught to contain. I know, I know - there's more air out than in but let's be reasonable.

When I am old, I promise to...

1. Reread this blog post, edit it with an apology, and then, within a reasonable time, delete it.

2. Do whatever the hell I want, and to hell with anyone who doesn't agree. I'll be deaf! What do I care?




3. Learn to do a 2-step so I can shuffle all the time.

4. Burp and fart when I damned well want to - and, well, sometimes when I just plain old don't expect to. I promise to affect an air of 'Who did that?' while simultaneously pointing to the littlest dog in the room.

3. Try to be as easy to care for as my darling Mother is for me. I couldn't be any luckier or any happier to have a tissue-hangin', burpin', fartin', smelly-ish (Monday-Wednesday), feet shufflin', spillin', deaf old woman in my daily life.