Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The changes - they're a comin'

Mom's had a few bad "off" days the last 3 days. Not exactly sure why she's been mentally floundering as she's drinking her water, but I know she's in a fair amount of pain from her knee which can cause confusion also. I've been trying to be patient as I walk behind her at a snail's pace (it took us 10 minutes to get from the steps to the kitchen yesterday) but I find these changes frustrating, confusing and sad.

John though, has been a saint in the "Keep Gertie pink" campaign. He gently takes me aside and gives me small pep talks about how to accept these changes. He's got the best advice ever. He told me just yesterday that I need to remember that the woman I care for today is not the same as the woman I cared for yesterday, last week, last month, or last year. And, he's so true.

There are moments still though when she looks in my eyes and I know she is who she was. That sweet smile that comes over her face and her "I love you, Lori" let's me know that my mom (as I knew her) is still in there somewhere and still visits frequently.

So, the only thing I can really do is stick even closer, hug even more, tell her I love her as often as possible and practice patience, patience, patience.

As an interesting side note, I'm sitting on the deck with her right now writing as she's napping, waking, sipping her coffee, and napping again. I picked up yesterday's paper and, for lack of anything better to do, I read the horoscopes. I probably haven't done that in a year as I'm not a big believer in that stuff but, yesterday's were almost too spot on to ignore.

Here's my horoscope (Gemini):

A loved one's situation is complicated. Maybe there's some way to help that you haven't thought of yet. Try to imagine what you would like for yourself if you were in the same situation.

And here's Mom's (Scorpio):

As the sign of tranformation, you have a natural grace when it comes to making changes. Your secret is to concentrate on who you are becoming and let go of the rest.

Amen to both of those. Amen.


  1. omg, this one brought tears, You are both so fortunate to have each other.

  2. How about a lens on the topic of Adjusting to Changes in an Elderly Parent? I think there are readers seeking reassurance. You could link to this blog post.

  3. Mark: we're very fortunate to have loving people surrounding us and supporting both of us. Just small things like you guys dropping over and helping keep her propped up really makes a big difference. I always said I chose my friends wisely - and I have. The friends I've decided to surround myself with are all wonderful people who have supported us on this final journey. And, we both appreciate it.

  4. Virginia: if I felt like I was an authority on adjusting to changes in the elderly parent, I'd probably write it. But, I think I'm floundering here - sometimes I'm lucky and hit something that works and sometimes I don't. I know that a good martini seems to help (at least in the interim!). Thanks for the idea. I'll ruminate on it.


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